The Mandatory Trip to the Zoo

And of course, we went to the zoo. It was a chilly day, actually, so I needed a windbreaker! I know I'm really suffering here. I need to keep this quick, since I should be getting to work, but I don't want to keep my 2 blog fans waiting any longer! The San Diego zoo is cool. It's big, it's hilly, it's got some unique animals locked up. And its actually considered an animal refuge and a botanical garden...so it seems like they do a good job with it. But the best part is that in addition to all the animal jokes you can make at any zoo -- you get to add on Anchorman jokes as well. So, it really is the gift that keeps on giving. The highlights:

An elephant bush! What are the odds of this growing right next to a zoo?


Why does that baby giraffe look so familiar? It's kinda cute!


I'm telling you, it was cold for San Diego...barely in the 60s.


Bear fight.


Oh no, you woke the momma.



Have you heard my koala meets a prostitute joke?



And I can never get enough Panda Watch references in. Panda Watch! Day 9:


I don't like the way he's looking at me. Stupid Panda jerk!


Seriously, its a panda watchers paradise.


Hey buddy, why the long face?


Hey mister, why the long...ummm, nevermind. I see you have other things on your mind.


What do you do to a rhinocerous with three balls?


You walk him and pitch to the giraffe! (Ok, that's old and I changed it. Sue me.)


You've seen my meerkat joke and the polar bear joke, so I'm pretty much out of zoo pictures/animal jokes. And, lets face it, there is only so much zoo that you can take until you want to find yourself a cave to hide/rest in.



I think the only thing that did more walking that day was this peacock. The thing was everywhere! Unless it had a stunt double? Here we caught it cleaning up the seating bowl after the sea lion show.



Alright, I think that catches me up on my fun photos. I've got more stories, but nothing exciting. Maybe I'll post a little on that in the next day or two but its not as funny as the koala and the prostitute.

Stay classy!

Oops, I almost forgot my picture feeding the giraffe:


Look at the tongue on that thing! It must be one heck of a french kisser.

The Lost Weekend

Ok, I suppose it wasn't lost, but it has taken me over a week to write about it. Two weekends ago I got visited by my special friend. No, not my period, silly -- Catherine.


Since she was out visiting for a few days I splurged and upgraded my housing to an ocean front condo. It was pretty sweet, I must admit. And since it is the off-season for travel I got a great deal on it -- paid less than I have for a normal hotel room in other places. So, picture this - 9th floor of a high-rise, 2 ocean front "decks", plus one side deck with ocean views.

The decks were very small, ridiculous small actually -- think less than a foot deep, but the ceiling to floor sliding glass doors gave amazing views of the pacific ocean.


You could watch the surfers, the sun-bathers, the boogie-boarders, etc. And one of the mornings was really windy so I woke up to views of para-sailors. Now that looked awesome! Surfing, smurfing...I want to learn para-sailing instead. Except I don't know how they didn't kill each other. There were a dozen out there at one point and yet somehow they managed to zig and zag and turn back and forth and not run into themselves. Seems complicated but must be a huge thrill. They could go with the surf, or against it and leap into the air for seconds at a time....crazy fun.

Two Tickets to (Birds of) Paradise

Are You Sure I'm 100% Polar Bear?

Son, why do you keep asking me that? I'm a polar bear and your father is a polar bear, so yes, you are 100% polar bear.



Are you sure?



Yes, I'm sure. Your grand parents were polar bears and their parents and their parents were polar bears. I guarantee you are 100% polar bear. Why do you keep asking such a silly question?



Well. For one thing, I'm eating carrots. For another thing, I'm brown and not white. And lastly, but most importantly, I'm freaking freezing!

Meerkat Manor (Playboy Channel Edition)

Hey Honey! Some tourist just threw me a little blue pill and I ate it and look! I got my mojo back. Get over here!




Oooohhhh. Yeahhhhh. Thank goodness for the little blue pill! Mmmmmm. I feel like a teenage meerkat again!




Uh-oh. My red rocket has been up for over four hours. What do I do now? I think I'm in trouble. Call the zoo keeper! We need to beat this thing down before I pass out.

Big Foot Sighting in San Diego!

Wooooh! Is that a North American Great Ape I hear? Oh, nevermind, not that kind of Big Foot.





My apologies to sasquatch hunters everywhere, but you must admit - that is one big foot! (Don't you wish the blog was still locked out? :-)

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World #$%#%$% Champions!

Reminder -- I shook this guys hand back in March.

And many years ago, I got his autograph when he played as a visiting player in Syracuse. Both of those events were before I knew he had such a potty-mouth!

NSFW (Not safe for work...unless you have headphones.)
Chase, tell us how you really feel.

And this was after he got in trouble at the all-star game for his response to the classless New York fans booing him during introductions. He was miked for the game and he looked up and said: "Boo? F*$@ you" which came clearly through to the TV audience.

But, when your the champ, you can say whatever you want! His little f-bomb supposedly got the biggest applause of the day at the after parade ceremony. (You can see that from the video.)

He wore an itsy-bitsy-teenie-weenie-yellow-polkadot-bikini

...actually, I didn't. Here is what I wore at Blacks Beach (Look up Black's Beach from home sometime - not from work.)


And yes, that is all that I wore...and yes, the beaver hat might not have been the best choice, but its ironic certainly and I already had it out for the pictures with the sisters...and its not like any of the beach goers are ever going to see me again. I was alone and anonymous and my watch does cover up a lot.

Since I've never done the nude beach thing, I figured why not? I'm out here to see new things, right? Well, lets just say that some things you see, cannot be unseen! I saw one totally beautiful woman (right away - I should have stopped and turned around right then and there) and some other smatterings of what could be called women, but basically it was 95% sausage-fest. The beach wasn't crowded by any means, but enough to get my nude beach checkmark. And keep in mind since it's mostly sausages walking around, it is big with the gay scene. So, I saw two men holding hands. (Didn't need to see that.) I saw two men quickly kiss. (Definitely didn't need to see that.) And I saw naked volleyball and naked wading in the ocean and I even saw two naked men having a catch. Aww, look, the catcher is calling for a fastball. Wait a minute, his hand is by his glove...that means he didn't flash the "one" sign. Uggggghhhhh! He gave the "one" sign but it wasn't his finger! Gross!!!!! (Darn it all -- I never in my life needed to see that.)

So, you can go to Blacks Beach if you want, just be prepared, its not like the movies -- unless you mean the scene out of Eurotrip.

Oh, and I need a ruling. I've always said I "want to see a thong in the wild". Does it count if I saw one on a guy? (Not that I was trying to see it, mind you...but it was way smaller than a banana hammock). Does that count for a checkmark since I don't always specify "on a woman" when I state my quest? I need to be more careful with my wording!

Torrey Pines State Reserve

Did you know that the Torrey Pine is the rarest native pine in the United States? And to think that I thought it was just what my little sister Tracie did for her ex-boyfriend. (She's pined for Tory for over a year now. Get over him already! You are as pathetic as your older brother!)

Last weekend I went to Torrey Pines State Reserve and did some hiking. I was on a mission to cover a lot of ground and I ended up getting in a 10 mile hike. Along the way I ran into a family that was geo-caching and stopped to help them as they were about to find a cache. It would have been my first! But, they couldn't find it (it was a micro-cache so hard to spot). I was bummed. :-(

I hiked a little more and was checking out a map kiosk when some women asked my opinion on a trail. Even though I had never been there before and tried to get away, the next thing I knew I was hiking with 5 crazy sisters in their 40s and 50s...and they were entertaining me with stories of their families, their children, their halloween, their running, their triathalons, their anything and everything. They truly adopted me as one of their own and took what would have been a solitary day at the park and the beach and turned it into a social event. They were actually very cool and kept cracking me up with their stories and how comfortable they seemed blabbing to me. They admitted that they were a few days into a family reunion and desperate for an outsider to break the monotony. So they latched onto "Mountain Goat Man"/"Tbone"/"Terry" as they would alternatively refer to me as. They insisted I pose in their pictures and they insisted that I take a couple of them.



When we got down to the beach one of them started talking about "Flat Stanley" and that reminded me of my own token that I had brought along...my beaver hat. So, I pulled it out of my knapsack and they hammed it up for a couple more photos before they headed back to the parking lot.

I left them as I headed for Blacks Beach...but I wished we could have hiked together longer. I enjoyed my brush with the sisterhood of the traveling hats. As strange as it was, their welcoming of me made me feel less homesick.

Torrey Pines State Reserve (Pictures)

Since I don't like this picture interface...here are some random nature shots:

She was a thin mint, and I wanted "somoa"

Sorry...that was the only girl scout cookie joke I could come up with...

So, how random is this? I attend a halloween party in San Diego, CA and I hang out with a "Brownie" who has cousins that grew up in my hometown of Croghan.

Actually it probably isn't all that random since she is a friend of my landlord...but still her cousins graduated with one of my sisters! (They were very good track runners and were twins and they were Beavers. Trust me on that one! They were as good as it got in my hometown...at track, that is.)

And the party setting was neat -- a balcony on a high rise in the middle of some other high rises in downtown SD. I thought that it was the polar opposite of a bonfire party in the country. Definitely the most unique setting that I've ever attended a party in. (Well, unique to me, being someone who grew up on bonfires in the country. I suppose a city person wouldn't find it unique at all.)

Overall, it was a party where I barely knew anyone...so I just stood around people watching...but at least halloween parties are great for people watching.

That's enough for now,
Mr. Condom-Head-Man